Wednesday, March 23, 2011

15 ways to encourage your husband...(Some principles apply to any relationship)

1. Memorize I Corinthians 13:4-8. Read it or recite it to yourself often. Choose to love your husband and others according to its precepts.
2. Seek to understand men in general and, more importantly, your husband in particular. Remember that we all tend to show love in the ways that make us feel loved. However, that may not be what communicates love to your husband. Learn how to encourage him.
3. Take one month and resolve to say something positive about your husband to your husband every day of that month. If you find it hard to think of positive things to say, that only means you need to do this even more.
4. Speak well of your husband when speaking to others. Take any problems in your marriage to God, to your husband himself, and, if need be, to a few close and trusted advisors. Otherwise, do not betray your husband's confidences or run him down in front of others. Treat his name and his reputation with honor, just as you would want him to speak positively of you.
5. Respect your husband's work. Show an interest in it. Listen to him talk about work. If the details of his work don't fascinate you or go over his head, learn to listen to the man as he speaks. Take note of his enthusiasm, his creativity in solving problems, and other positive qualities. If your husband has been laid off in this economy, speak well of his skills and continue to build him up.
6. Give your husband grace and also time to mature as a Christian, as a husband, and as a man. After all, you need grace and time to mature as a Christian, as a wife, and as a woman.
7. Keep your appearance neat, feminine, and attractive within the bounds of modesty. A husband is greatly encouraged when his wife makes an effort to keep her best appearance for him. It doesn't matter if you are not a beauty queen or if you are aging. What matters to your husband is that you make an effort to look your best out of love and regard for him. Consider that we, as women, are also encouraged when our husbands attend to the basics of grooming and dress in our presence. Men are even more visually oriented, so this is even a greater blessing to them. As we get older, this takes a little more work.
8. Cultivate a sweet physical relationship with your husband. It is so easy to let this side of marriage go when you are tired and also getting your emotional needs met through mothering. Yet, the sexual relationship is a gift from the Lord that bonds a couple and is good for the physical body and the heart. Read Song of Solomon and absorb the romantic atmosphere the couple create for themselves. Sometimes, a little tension or feeling of isolation in a marriage can be resolved through attention to the sexual element of the relationship.
9. Be a fun companion. Sometimes, as women, we can become too serious as we try to juggle the demands of home and family. We can become even more so if we are also working outside the home. This does not happen as often with men, but in some cases, it is the wife who is more light-hearted and the husband is too uptight about work and family. Including fun, both spontaneous and planned, in our marriage helps us relax, and it also boosts our husband's sense of happiness and peace. Men are greatly encouraged when a wife is someone who is fun to be around. Make an effort to smile more. Think of fun things to do on a regular basis. Find something that the two of you enjoy doing together. Be happy for him if he has a hobby that he enjoys on his own, provided that he does not put it ahead of God and family.
10. Set your heart on Jesus so that you are not tempted to make an idol of your husband, your marriage, your children, your perfect house, your career, or anything else in your life. When you are rightly related to Christ and are seeking His glory, other things will fall in place more easily. Your husband will feel burdened if you put pressure on him to meet needs that only the Lord can meet. He will also suffer if you have any other idol in your life, for an idol eventually consumes you.
11. Don't neglect your marriage in favor of parenting. Your children will benefit if you keep a strong marriage.
12. "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit." Phil. 2:3-4. Watch your motives. Are you trying to force your husband to fit your dream of the perfect home life? Are you trying to get praise for yourself? You will be happier and more successful as a wife if you are motivated by love for God and love for your husband, rather than selfishness.
13. Be kind and gracious to your husband's family and friends.
14. Cultivate an attitude of joy, as well as a calm and gentle spirit. Your attitude will pervade the home and will be a great influence on your marriage. Memorize scriptures and quotes that help you to be joyful and to trust the Lord. Memorize Romans 8:28. Be honest about any worries, burdens, and struggles, but take them to the Lord and leave them there. Pray throughout the day. Devote at least some, if not a large portion, of your prayer time to praise and thanksgiving. Rest in the Lord.
15. Remember that your ultimate trust is in God, and not in your husband. That is how we are able to respect and submit to our husbands, even though we know they are fallible. read I Peter 2 and 3. Trusting God is also how we find strength when we are weary.

Take one area at a time and work on it. Don't be overwhelmed by the whole picture. If you invest a little in your marriage and in growing as a wife every day, it adds up over time.

Happy Home Keeping!


  1. Excellent post! It truly is important to cultivate a strong marriage. And yet, it so easily gets set aside for kids, cooking, cleaning, sleeeeeeeeep. (In my mind there is a distant memory of that last activity.) Thank you for a beautiful post!

  2. Wonderful post! Very encouraging tips! Thank you.